Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Recovery: The Garbage Stops HERE!

I remember a day in therapy when I realized I had to turn and face the monster in the closet, who was slowly killing me. I screamed out at my therapist:

"Why the hell do I have to do therapy? THEY made the mess!" I was referring to my life, as the mess. My doctor remained quiet, as he knew I was arguing with myself. Something broke lose and I made the decision. I made the commitment to turn around, open that awful closet door and fight formy real life, against the monster. I refer to all my abuse collectively as "The Monster".

Because I knew the mental illness which turned my mother into a sub-human zombie was in me, I refused to have children. People would coo at me: "Your mothering instinct will take over. You'll not hurt your own children," I knew that was not true. My mother truly didn't want to do what she did, or be what she became when she'd lose it. Her mothering instinct went away when her raging fits came forward.

I told my therapist I was in it for the long haul. It was MY problem and I needed help to get well. This was the beginning of real recovery for me, back in 1983.

Check out this magnificent post from Dad-O-Matic. This is heroic, beautiful and miraculous.

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