Sunday, March 22, 2009

Don't Change Dosing Schedule If You Are On Psychiatric Medication.

Yes, friends, I am fine. My very extensive testing through my HMO found me totally normal. What I realized after a bit of time passed is I changed the time I took my psychiatric medication while trying to fast with my church. Yeah, if I'd checked in with my psychiatrist, she would have brought me up short FAST.

But, I made sure I sought out advice from people who knew nothing about the heavy-duty medication I take. Why? I wanted to show off to my fellow church-goers that I was among the SUPER SPIRITUAL! (Yeah, I hear ya. That was REALLY dumb).

It is our old friend fear. I was afraid I wouldn't really be "loved" unless I marched with the others in my congregation who were fasting. Here's reality: they love me not for what I do, but for who I am in Christ. I don't need to DO anything. They love me because I am one of God's kids. Oh, how hard that lesson is to learn!

I also got a deserved verbal thrashing from a friend who does know something about medication, fasting and insecure, Eager Beavers such as myself.

I have to remember to ask God to help me stay away from those "old tapes" which I still carry around inside. I was really shocked at how easy it was to fall back into that old behavior of: It may kill me, but I'll do anything to get you to love me".

Even after years of work and a nice life, I still get snared by my past. I have to say, this slide backwards totally astounded me. I thought I was done with that kind of acting out. No, I guess not.

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