Saturday, September 16, 2006

Happy Mind Attached To A Tired Body.

Seems like I should have a party or something. I believe this will be post one hundred for this blog. Here is a paradox. Mentally, I am content and at peace, while my body is tired enough to give me the illusion of being depressed.

Yes, ladies, when that change of life stuff starts, they aren't kidding! "Change", how about: "the total physical upheaval of your entire body"? For my male readers - you all can look it up, the symptoms are well known and complained about by all of us females, at one time, or another. Mentally I have much joy, so it is easy to let my body do its thing without giving too much attention to it.

CyberGal is actually toying with the idea of making friends with a foreign concept: patience. Yes, I realize it may shock some of you, but we had a sermon on it recently. I realize that gunning my emotional motor over things I can't change is silly. I spend far too much time whining to God about how slow my little computer is. Why is it slow? I'm running five heavy duty applications, for starters! So, I realize that again, I have to remember the dreaded concept from recovery: ACCEPTANCE IS THE SOLUTION TO ALL MY PROBLEMS.

The computer is only slow when I compare how it runs using only one heavy duty application, instead of five. So, I can now free up my energy for something more constructive. Same idea when folks are late to arrive at church. I got a real clear reminder that I am not Holy Spirit Jr., and I need to stop acting like I'm losing $1,000 for every five minutes I wait for someone to come to church. I can always try something novel, while i wait, like, pray for the millions of things which prayer can improve. Prayer may even mellow my attitude, God can do all things, but only if I yield the driver's seat of my life to Him.

But, I do rejoice in my spirit. I have enough emotional and physical health and strength to actually be there for someone else. Not necessarily as a counselor, but just a buddy as we experience life together. Every time I can do something fun with another person, where they seem a bit happier for me having been there, I am telling God "thank-you". I have wonderful friends, spread across the planet. Some are coffee-and-a-good-laugh folks, while others are people I truly have trusted with my soul.

In recovery they used to teach that there are three things one must have to enjoy life:

  • Something to do.
  • Somewhere to go.
  • And, someone to be with.
For far too many years, there were no friends, or running buddies. Today that is all changed. I have all three elements. Interesting mental work, and part-time housework, where I actually get a bit of physical exercise. As for places to go, i have short term and long term goals in that area. Various dining and shopping adventures are always close at hand, but by far, the biggest fun is the endless planning and re-planning of my week-long vacation in October of 2007 back to Boston.

By the gentle assistance of Maria, I'm actually putting money in the bank for this vacation. As 2007 rolls into view, I'll be finalizing my tentative vacation plans. For now, my goal is: six days and five nights in Boston. I want to arrive a day before the first Ig Nobel Prize presentation and leave on a Monday morning, so I can have a full day of church activities on Sunday.

Since I will have my walker in tow, I can actually take walking tours and visit some of the many historical sites Boston offers. I also look forward to meeting up with a few friends from that general area of the country. It will also be a photography paradise - fall in New England. Oh, swoon!

Let's not forget the interesting dining that awaits an eager California tourist. I want to enjoy it all. I also will have the proper additional cell phone service, where I can touch base with folks in California, to let them know they are privileged to receive a call, all the way from Boston. Half the fun of this kind of adventure is getting on the phone with sweet Maria and telling her all about it.

I also have the joy of a "normal" life. I do things everyone else does, instead of taking private trips in emergency vehicles to "closed" wards. I was riding our local bus from Smart & Final, a small warehouse store, to church, last week. I was all dressed up with my bible book bag and a large frozen sheet cake in tow. I remember when I was in my twenties and doing "normal" stuff. I was truly an emotional vacuum waiting to implode. Today I am healthy and very sure of who I am and where I'm going.

I don't have that nagging feeling of "faking it". I know this healthy life is real and stable. I pray my heart-felt thanks to God for bringing me through some very difficult times. Now, I help my friends and my church to accomplish things. We were holding a fund-raising dinner. For $10 I enjoyed some serious down-home soul food, topped off with the German Chocolate cake I brought in with me to Sunday School.

I also am rebuilding my music collection. I ordered a CD from Japan, by Marianne Faithfull for one song I have been trying to re-capture for eight years. Much to my real surprise, not everyone "likes" her voice. I always wanted to sound like her when I sing. Phillip, ponders why I: "want to sound like a wounded animal." Figuring his reaction was out of the ordinary, I checked with another musician I know. She doesn't like Marianne Faithfull's voice either! I laugh at the good-natured fun. I console myself with the knowledge: everybody has a right to be wrong (giggle)

I am always grateful when bus drivers lower the steps (on the older buses) for me and my walker. Since I'm basically relaxed and happy, the world around me seems to be a much nicer place. Jesus said you have to keep your focus on good things, not bad things. If your focus is correct your whole body is full of light. It is nice to have simple, polite chats with other riders, as we go our various ways. Two young mothers were sharing about how breast feeding seems to be better for their children. The kids were ill on the bottled formulas. I am happy to be alive and living a regular, not always exciting life.

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