Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Recovery: Romancing The Mentally Healthy Life.

Although desperately ill I sat transfixed watching a video of a friend's two toddlers and his wife enjoying playing together. Wow, I know mental health when I see it. These kids are physically and mentally robust and noisy. I feel a slight twinge of sadness comparing my own chaotic toddler hood. My mind dares to wonder what it would have been like... Cybergal has gone romantic, as close to a swoon as I'll ever get.

Romance is that goofy state of non-reality we pass through on our way to making serious life decisions. Ladies, this is the time in a relationship, where a cursing voice mail, proclaiming how your Beau hates voice mail can send you into hitherto unknown states of self delusion!

Then I ran into a pod cast about the author's father. A typical colorful character who probably had a very dreadful time as in immigrant in the 1920's. I was astounded that there was enough information about relatives to PRODUCE a podcast. I can tell you all I know about my extended family on the label of a pill bottle! Extreme dysfunction totally destroys the extended family structure.

While I rhapsodize over what my friend's life must be like, he politely attempts to bring me back to reality by pointing out that "It isn't always so great". Yeah, I can hear the truth of that statement as well as my love-struck girlfriend can see how crazy she is, at the moment. She insists on replaying that voice mail from her boyfriend, for me, for the tenth time. She is sure I'll eventually see his loving and compassionate nature!

I follow the stories of healthy families because they make me feel good. I bet it is an attempt to live vicariously. Yes, I'm embarrassed, but this is just another symptom of growth. The first time I was followed by a flock of pre-teens and teens from church, I was totally astonished! These children seemed to think I KNEW something. They hung on my every word. I never prayed so hard in my life, not to say the wrong thing. To study most of my life is a primmer in what NOT to do!

So I guess my friend's dirty socks don't excite his wife any more then the laundry of my x-husband excited me. Yeah, my friend's life is not one continuous moment of joy. Intellectually I get it, but my heart is having trouble letting go. Letting go of such a lovely fantasy of what mentally healthy living must be like. (Swoon)

1 comment:

MacPhilly said...

Hey CyberGal,

It is a blessing being able to live with my family, and to have grown up in a family where my parents stayed together. I do have to tell you though, the journey is the same for all of us to come to a mentally healthy place.

In my case, the journey took about 20 years after reaching adulthood. Sure, you get to chat with me now and you don't see all that, but for all of us it is a process. The good news is that you're in the process. You can recognize "normal" behavior (and believe me, you would be one of very few people that would ever accuse me of normalcy) and you can recognize when behavior isn't normal or healthy. Man! Sister that is a BIG deal, and I hope you realize that. You're on the road, enjoy the journey. And you might as well enjoy it because there is no way to rush it.