Monday, February 12, 2007

Recovery: Truly Accepting Assistance.

Friday morning about 3 AM I noticed I was getting really ill. Sore throat, fever and an almost total loss of my voice. What's up with this? I just had a flu shot several weeks ago! I knew I would never be able to work on Monday. So, Friday afternoon, I called sweet Maria, who lovingly agreed that the house could wait. I gratefully accepted her evaluation and went back to bed.

Since I'm deeply involved with my church, I had to inform my prayer partner that I was down for the weekend. She offered to do some shopping for me. I had a sinking feeling about attempting this feat by myself. I put into practice some of that new trust I've discovered. We made arrangements for her to pick up some juice and soup.

What a soothing relief, food just appeared at my door. I felt no shame, or guilt. I've done this kind of thing for others lots of times. But this is one of the few times I permitted someone to help me! My prayer partner refused to take money for the groceries. I didn't protest, as I've done the exact same thing for ailing friends.This is another by product of recovery. Not only do you know you have a community, you actually allow yourself to lean on someone.

It sounds crazy, but my prayer partner was overjoyed to help. Just as I have been happy when an ill friend reached out to me. I am mentally healthy enough to accept good treatment from others. I also reached out to Internet friends, who also swung into action, either chatting with me, or sending me precious home movies and photos. Please hear me well. Being able to accept all of this is another flat-out miracle.

I believe I've left behind the horrid hatred of myself. I enjoy my friends. Why shouldn't they enjoy me? I am willing to lend time and effort when my friends are troubled. Why not let my friends reach out to me? If you have a long list of "why nots", copy it down somewhere and work on challenging it. You ARE worthy of goodness. I'll say it again: you are WORTHY of goodness. Why? Just because you are a human being on our planet and it seems to be how real life actually works. It is not because of what you DO, but because of who you ARE. I know, I know: Bull@#% I hear you scream.

Reporting from the land of recovery, I'm happy to report there are new levels of joy waiting for you, as you learn to accept who you are. People almost vibrate with joy as they see you taking baby steps of trust. When I don't understand someone else's motives, I look at how I'd react to a sick friend FINALLY reaching out for me to do a bit of shopping. There is goodness out here in the land of recovery beyond your wildest fantasies.

No comments: